More fic...
Apr. 9th, 2007 11:22 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
jmatonakPosting fic feels creepy, but I can't stop myself.
The title is from a Lou Reed song, and if I were a different person I would have just vidded it instead. My favorite version of the song is actually a duet between Kirsty MacColl and Evan Dando.
I guess this is AU, because it makes some assumptions that will become obvious upon reading it.
Perfect Day
Post Not Fade Away
Pairing: Wesley/Illyria
WESLEY: There is no "perfect day" for me, Illyria... -- "Not Fade Away"
At first, when he opened his eyes, he thought it was her. When he felt the hospital bed and saw the passing nurses and remembered what they had both thought would be his last moments on Earth, he realized the situation and hated himself for thinking it was her.
"Oh, you're awake!" Illyria said brightly. She rushed forward and gingerly embraced him as he sat up. Picture-perfect, he thought to himself, nauseated.
"It's hardly necessary to go to these lengths," he said, softly.
She let him go and stepped back. "What do you mean?" Her voice was bright and bubbly and had that little hint of twang in it. His heart leaped just to hear it, and that enraged him.
"You know very well what. I can accept the necessity of assuming Fred's shape, under the circumstances, but there is no need to..." He lacked the energy to stay angry; abruptly he was aware of just how badly Vail had wounded him.
"I was thinking... when you get out of here, when you're feeling a little better... I'd like to take you somewhere."
"And where would that be?"
"There's a little place where a bunch of us used to go, when I was in school. We'd sneak off and smoke a little, some of us would drink... it's where we would go to get up to no good, you know?" And she smiled. "I thought you might like to see it."
He felt confused, almost dizzy. He wished he could ask her to assume her true shape, but the room was small and there was no part of it not visible to passers-by in the corridor. Had he imagined a little extra emphasis on the word "us"? Was she asking to show, or be shown?
"Fred never mentioned anything like that to me," he said.
"I know." Her voice was sad. "We don't have to do that. We could go to a movie, just take a walk..." Something must have shown on his face, because she trailed off, then shuddered a bit and began again.
"Do you remember the day my parents came to visit me at work? Do you remember I came into your office and asked if you were mad at me?"
His voice was absolutely flat... at first. "The Burkles are not your parents. They are hers. I thought I made it clear to you that this charade is absolutely unacceptable. We can be seen, but not heard. Stop this." He noticed she was almost glaring at him, but when she spoke her voice was the low voice of Illyria.
"That is the point. This is not a trick. I am not trying to entice you- surely you credit me with enough intelligence to realize how much you abhor seeing me in this shape. I told you I was disturbed at the idea of my parents grieving- why did you think that was? If I were really what you insist on saying I am, why would I care? Why would I even notice?"
"I understand you've inherited Fred's memories, and perhaps even something of her feelings. But you are not her. Her soul was destroyed when you occupied her body."
Her voice was bubbly again, "Sure, that's one way to look at it. But I know what I remember, and I know what I feel, and I know who I am, Wesley! All I'm askin' is that you spend a day with me. It can be whatever you want. We don't have to... do anything romantic. Just spend a day with me. Let me show you."
"After seeing you with the Burkles, I have no doubt you can carry on the impersonation for as long as you wish-"
"You're not listenin' to me! I'm not carrying on anything. I'd like to be carrying on with you-"
"You made that quite clear. And I told you it would never happen. I loved Fred, as I had never loved anything or anyone else. I spent every moment of her last day at her side. And I saw her die. She reached out for me, and she died." He had to stop and wait out the rush of memories.
After a moment, he took a deep breath and went on. "I bear you no ill will for that, truly. But your delusion that you are Fred, no matter how sincere, is just that. Fred was a good person- a wonderful person, exemplary in many ways. But she is gone."
Her voice was low again. "What I am is not something you are empowered to decide."
Eternity passed.
He cleared his throat. "Rupert Giles is attempting to re-establish the Watchers Council. Under the circumstances, I think it's best I offer him my services." He lowered his eyes. "The Council is intolerant of demons."
"I see." Her shoulders shook for a moment. "You know, Wesley... memory loss, seizures and hallucinations are all pretty common consequences of extremely high fevers. The only thing that says I didn't just go a little crazy after I got sick," and she blurred into her blue form for just a moment, "is this." And then she was Fred again.
"I hope Mr. Giles will take you, if that's what you want. I really do. But for a Watcher, you're awfully hung up on surface stuff." She left the room, closing the door quietly.
He slumped back. Before he could press the call button, he was unconscious.
She didn't start to cry until she was well out of sight of his room.
If you read it, please let me know what you think.
The title is from a Lou Reed song, and if I were a different person I would have just vidded it instead. My favorite version of the song is actually a duet between Kirsty MacColl and Evan Dando.
I guess this is AU, because it makes some assumptions that will become obvious upon reading it.
Perfect Day
Post Not Fade Away
Pairing: Wesley/Illyria
WESLEY: There is no "perfect day" for me, Illyria... -- "Not Fade Away"
At first, when he opened his eyes, he thought it was her. When he felt the hospital bed and saw the passing nurses and remembered what they had both thought would be his last moments on Earth, he realized the situation and hated himself for thinking it was her.
"Oh, you're awake!" Illyria said brightly. She rushed forward and gingerly embraced him as he sat up. Picture-perfect, he thought to himself, nauseated.
"It's hardly necessary to go to these lengths," he said, softly.
She let him go and stepped back. "What do you mean?" Her voice was bright and bubbly and had that little hint of twang in it. His heart leaped just to hear it, and that enraged him.
"You know very well what. I can accept the necessity of assuming Fred's shape, under the circumstances, but there is no need to..." He lacked the energy to stay angry; abruptly he was aware of just how badly Vail had wounded him.
"I was thinking... when you get out of here, when you're feeling a little better... I'd like to take you somewhere."
"And where would that be?"
"There's a little place where a bunch of us used to go, when I was in school. We'd sneak off and smoke a little, some of us would drink... it's where we would go to get up to no good, you know?" And she smiled. "I thought you might like to see it."
He felt confused, almost dizzy. He wished he could ask her to assume her true shape, but the room was small and there was no part of it not visible to passers-by in the corridor. Had he imagined a little extra emphasis on the word "us"? Was she asking to show, or be shown?
"Fred never mentioned anything like that to me," he said.
"I know." Her voice was sad. "We don't have to do that. We could go to a movie, just take a walk..." Something must have shown on his face, because she trailed off, then shuddered a bit and began again.
"Do you remember the day my parents came to visit me at work? Do you remember I came into your office and asked if you were mad at me?"
His voice was absolutely flat... at first. "The Burkles are not your parents. They are hers. I thought I made it clear to you that this charade is absolutely unacceptable. We can be seen, but not heard. Stop this." He noticed she was almost glaring at him, but when she spoke her voice was the low voice of Illyria.
"That is the point. This is not a trick. I am not trying to entice you- surely you credit me with enough intelligence to realize how much you abhor seeing me in this shape. I told you I was disturbed at the idea of my parents grieving- why did you think that was? If I were really what you insist on saying I am, why would I care? Why would I even notice?"
"I understand you've inherited Fred's memories, and perhaps even something of her feelings. But you are not her. Her soul was destroyed when you occupied her body."
Her voice was bubbly again, "Sure, that's one way to look at it. But I know what I remember, and I know what I feel, and I know who I am, Wesley! All I'm askin' is that you spend a day with me. It can be whatever you want. We don't have to... do anything romantic. Just spend a day with me. Let me show you."
"After seeing you with the Burkles, I have no doubt you can carry on the impersonation for as long as you wish-"
"You're not listenin' to me! I'm not carrying on anything. I'd like to be carrying on with you-"
"You made that quite clear. And I told you it would never happen. I loved Fred, as I had never loved anything or anyone else. I spent every moment of her last day at her side. And I saw her die. She reached out for me, and she died." He had to stop and wait out the rush of memories.
After a moment, he took a deep breath and went on. "I bear you no ill will for that, truly. But your delusion that you are Fred, no matter how sincere, is just that. Fred was a good person- a wonderful person, exemplary in many ways. But she is gone."
Her voice was low again. "What I am is not something you are empowered to decide."
Eternity passed.
He cleared his throat. "Rupert Giles is attempting to re-establish the Watchers Council. Under the circumstances, I think it's best I offer him my services." He lowered his eyes. "The Council is intolerant of demons."
"I see." Her shoulders shook for a moment. "You know, Wesley... memory loss, seizures and hallucinations are all pretty common consequences of extremely high fevers. The only thing that says I didn't just go a little crazy after I got sick," and she blurred into her blue form for just a moment, "is this." And then she was Fred again.
"I hope Mr. Giles will take you, if that's what you want. I really do. But for a Watcher, you're awfully hung up on surface stuff." She left the room, closing the door quietly.
He slumped back. Before he could press the call button, he was unconscious.
She didn't start to cry until she was well out of sight of his room.
If you read it, please let me know what you think.
