(no subject)

[jmatonak]

Whenever I meet an old, old friend who hasn't seen me for a while, they say "You haven't changed." Anyone who knew me as a teenager said that in my mid-twenties and apparently it's still true.

It really upsets me. Like, vision-swimmy, panic-attack upset. Apparently, I very much want to have changed since I was fifteen, and I haven't. I can't articulate what the problem is, but it hurts.

Comments

You haven't changed

[mustangsally78.livejournal.com]

Then they really aren't looking.

I can see that my face hasn't changed and I've got the same damn haircut again, but I can see the age in my eyes.

You have changed, they just see the OLD you.

Re: You haven't changed

[jmatonak.livejournal.com]

Thank you.

[jennlynnster.livejournal.com]

I get that a lot, too. Maybe some of our mannerisms haven't changed or maybe they just don't want deal with something new so they shove us back in a box that they're comfortable dealing with in the moment. I don't know, but it's stupid and frustrating. It's their perspective that's fucked, not yours.

[jmatonak.livejournal.com]

I don't know, but it's stupid and frustrating.

Oh boy, is it ever. :)

[hazel75.livejournal.com]

I've been thinking about this and can't really come up with an explanation. I wonder if it's meant as some kind of compliment (like a "you haven't aged" thing). Or if it's someone being facile -- not really looking but instead seeing what he/she expects to see.

[jmatonak.livejournal.com]

I don't know what it's about, and I don't even know why it makes me so upset. I'm a nut.

[catwhisperer42.livejournal.com]

You changed just during grad school. I have no idea why people would think you are the same as from high school. People are just silly.

[jmatonak.livejournal.com]

Well, if nothing else, I blew a gasket. So there's that.

Thank you. That was nice to hear.