jmatonak: (Default)
I am, as the song goes, still alive.

I assume, if you can read this, you are also. But if you're reading this from beyond the grave, that is unspeakably cool and (if possible) you should comment and tell me so immediately.

I keep having annoying problems when I try to log in to LJ, so I haven't tried in a while. My bad.

jmatonak: (Default)
I truly, completely. deeply suck at LJ.

Um, hi.

For the first time in a long time, I have two front teeth again.
jmatonak: (Default)
I am not inclined by nature to be a "good soldier." I try not to be a jerk, and I will compromise when I need to, but there comes a point when I just can't do that anymore. I think I have that in common with a lot of people.

Politics )

I'm trying to cut down on the politics posts, I swear.
jmatonak: (Default)
Okay, no politics here for a while.

I don't like being cranky, but not liking it doesn't actually make me less cranky.

ETA: My pants are on fire.
jmatonak: (Default)
(Those are X-Men characters. If you didn't know that, you may will be better off scrolling past this entry.)

This relationship is often viewed as a grotesque mishandling of both characters. It pees all over one of the sacred romances in comics. IIRC, it happened entirely because of editorial mandate, and in-text divine intervention is the only thing that kept the two of them together.

I love this 'ship to pieces and I will cry big sad fanboy tears if/when it is done away with.

Why? )
jmatonak: (Default)
Whenever I meet an old, old friend who hasn't seen me for a while, they say "You haven't changed." Anyone who knew me as a teenager said that in my mid-twenties and apparently it's still true.

It really upsets me. Like, vision-swimmy, panic-attack upset. Apparently, I very much want to have changed since I was fifteen, and I haven't. I can't articulate what the problem is, but it hurts.
jmatonak: (Default)
I am sad. It hurts.

All evening, every single noun I've heard has reminded me of some past shame or failure or something. I shouldn't have to go through this, because no one should.
jmatonak: (Default)
Hi, guys. Not feeling super great these days, but I had a burst of fan rage. You know how it is.

I hope you all are well.
jmatonak: (Default)
Hi. I haven't been feeling well lately, so I haven't posted, but I am still here. :)

Diana Wynne Jones is awesome. Susan Cooper is excellent. J. K. Rowling is also excellent, the Potter books being an example of a fad or craze built on a solid foundation. In particular, I like the Chrestomanci books more than Lord of the Rings, and, if pressed, would call most of them better written.

All this by way of response to something on [ profile] tammy212's LJ. Also, these are opinions, as opposed to facts.
jmatonak: (Default)
I'm really not cut out for human contact at all. This wouldn't be an issue if I didn't want the society of others as much as I do. Once again, we see the beauty of Life's Little Jokes.


Apr. 17th, 2008 10:23 pm
jmatonak: (Default)
I lost 33 pounds from the middle of December to the middle of March. I haven't been to the clinic, which has the only scale I know of that I can keep my balance on, since then, but anecdotal evidence such as belt loop use suggests I was continuing to lose weight. I did it by eating less and exercising more.

I started losing weight because of a dare-bet-bribe thing that originated with this girl I know. I haven't heard a peep from her in two weeks, after hearing from her almost daily for a few months before that. I'm worried about her, I can't reach her, and I don't understand why she won't talk to me anymore. (I wish people would explain to me how I alienate them, but they're too alienated to want to make the effort, I guess. I'm not claiming to be entitled to any explanations, I just would like them a lot. I don't understand.) It's demoralizing and confusing.

I can't stop eating- I think I've eaten about three thousand calories in the last twelve hours. For a guy who prides himself on his ability to be stubborn, this is not a proud moment.
jmatonak: (Default)
So, I used to have three FireWire portable hard drives, that held all of my "media"- TV, pictures, et cetera. I say "used to" because they all spontaneously decided to stop working this afternoon. Two of them can be coaxed into working using a different kind of connection (USB 2.0). The one that I can't make work is the one that happens to have all the stuff with real sentimental value on it. I tried hooking it up to other computers, but it seems pretty enthusiastically dead- whatever happened to them all seems to have screwed up the FireWire firmware, and it doesn't have a USB port.


I am saddened by this out of all proportion to what the situation merits.

ETA: So it turns out the FireWire "drive" is a FireWire enclosure surrounding a standard Hitachi IDE/ATA/I-don't-care-but-it-works-with-my-stuff hard drive. I am one enclosure short, but I was able to begin the process of backing up stuff I decided I couldn't live without. I still have no idea what about the FireWire situation is hosed- my controller card? the "bridge" in the portable drives?- and the more I think about it the more perplexed and creeped out I am. I mean, we hooked them up to another computer and they still wouldn't play along. All three at once. In any case, I need no longer fear the loss of old letters from people who don't speak to me anymore. Of which, it seems, there are way too many. There's some kind of lesson in that, but I am very, very tired.

Leap Day

Feb. 29th, 2008 09:46 am
jmatonak: (Default)
Leap Day rules, because Leap Day is a purely human creation. There is no astronomical, natural phenomenon that makes occurrences of February 29th special. There is an extra day in the calendar because people like it that way.

And, yeah, I know it's there so the seasons don't migrate along the calendar, and in that sense it's not purely arbitrary and blah blah blah. But it isn't the shortest day of the year, or the longest, or a day where day and night are precisely the same length. The moon doesn't do anything special, and neither does anything else in the rest of the universe. We made up an extra day so we could spend less time doing bookkeeping.

Leap Day is excellent.

Because this is Leap Day, if I don't do something kind of foolhardy, I will never forgive myself. So I will shortly be, as the kids say, Away From Keyboard.

Have a good day, all.
jmatonak: (Default)
I don't feel good.

jmatonak: (Default)
What with me being bummed so much of the time, and posting about it, I figure this journal could stand to be a lot more cheerful. I therefore resolved, some time ago, to post about good news the next time I got some.

I can't really discuss the details yet, but it looks as though I will be able to get a much shinier wheelchair than I was expecting, and also probably a new laptop- or access to one, anyway, which means I will be able to do computer stuff outside, which I have been longing to do.

That Michelle Ryan (from the new version of Bionic Woman) is so cute it almost hurts to look at her. I probably mentioned that before, but it bears repeating.

In conclusion: Six Apart, you still suck. Michelle Ryan, you're still cool. :)
jmatonak: (Default)
Nothing makes it harder to write than the conviction that no one wants to read.

I originally got on LJ by following a bunch of online Buffy fans I liked. (Hi, guys!) I figured LJ would pretty much die out, from my point of view, when Buffy went off the air. It didn't, and I was lucky enough to have my LJ as an outlet when my life began to fall apart.

(I realize that sounds melodramatic. I lost a career that was the focus of my life and a relationship that was very important to me over the course of a few months, and then began to face a steep decline in my mobility to go along with some slips in my mental health. I think "fell apart" is fair.)

Things have continued to be not-so-great, for me, for a long time. Years. When I felt up to it, LJ was my corner bar. I would come on here and "hang out"- read what was going on with people, talk about stupid fannish junk, be social in my own demented and sad little way.

Every time Six Apart does one of their stupid purge tricks, and someone I liked to read starts making noises about not being here anymore, LJ loses a little bit of what makes it worth "coming" here. I don't read or write child porn, but every time Six Apart does one of their stupid purge tricks, I get the message that Six Apart doesn't want riffraff like me and my friends hanging out in their place anymore.

Hopefully, I'll be able to find a new "hangout" and talk about my interests when the mood strikes. It doesn't seem too likely, because most fannish fora have a bag signal-to-noise ratio as far as I'm concerned. There aren't many good places in the "neighborhood."

Six Apart can do what they want with their hardware and their equipment. Everything they're doing is nice and legal. But it still sucks.

As I so often do these days, I'm losing track of my thought. It's very frustrating. I miss being smarter than this.

Anyway, thanks for listening, you all.
jmatonak: (Default)
I hate sounding like a patronizing asshole, but sometimes I can't help it. I should just give up communicating with the outside world entirely. I should, but I won't.
jmatonak: (Default)
I feel good. I'm really not used to this.

I'm really looking forward to tonight's Doctor Who. I'm not used to looking forward to things.

I'm a bit anxious because there may be a giant giant crash coming later. So the anxiety is kind of mixed in with the good feeling. But mostly I feel good.

I wish I had someone to hold hands with right now. Having thought it over, I have no idea why that is. And holding hands isn't even an euphemism. I really wish someone were holding my hand. Isn't that odd?

I'm going to fill out all those creepy little fields on the bottom of this form.
jmatonak: (Default)
I'm very sad right now.

I hope you aren't, when you read this.


jmatonak: (Default)

January 2012

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